Hmm… So from the VERY start of my blogging career, I wanted to begin my blogs anonymously: no name, no picture of me, nothing. In my long thought-out opinion, what blog readers want to know about my writing should not require a name, specifically my name. My Instagram, Twitter, and my future Facebook account will all be under my alias of L.E.T.4everbe because once a name AND face are placed on the author, my own personal life will be a roller coaster ride, especially with my family and friends. I know that starting from zilch will be slow and difficult, but I want to make it to at least near half-way up to the top bloggers from my own blog posts and my new-found blogging family. 🙂
To be honest, I’ve only let three friends and three relatives (one of them has a blog of his own) know of my blog site and that didn’t do much to spread my blog site name, lol, so why bother to rush it? To be frank, my writing has always been personal to me in a way. I get to express anything and everything I want without being judged. Since there’s no real name attached to the work, judging the person for their work will be harder (at least that’s what I think). Yes, yes, I know everyone has their own crazy life to deal with, but I’ve realized that I open up to people SO EASILY (my social butterfly personality, lol) since high school only to get shut down or let down, lol. Sure, I have heard those encouraging remarks here and there, but I think the shutdown remarks and disappointments have hit rock bottom or should I say an “all-time high” lol (leading to my introverted side). Now, I feel that I just need to rebuild my self-esteem little-by-little without my silly personal life getting in the way, thus blogging allows me to do just that.
Throughout college, I’ve had the HARDEST time expressing myself to people face-to-face. The very people whom I confided in turned out not being the most understanding people in the end saying things like, “I need an attitude change or the fact that I was the reason why someone wanted to commit suicide.” Now, I know I don’t expect my bloggers to believe me or anything I say from my blogs because I couldn’t BELIEVE the words I heard that night, but when someone I depended on more than my own family for school and social advice after they specifically begged me to come out of my shell and let go a bit of my independence and introverted personality, I was the most traumatized by that experience. The funny thing is one of them was the very one to tell me to write about my stresses so that I can relieve my stress (I’ve always had a journal though), so thank you for the extra push guys.
That’s why I don’t really expect much from the people I care about (trust me, I still care about them a lot, but I just can’t afford to show many joyous emotions to them) because, at this point in my life when I’m finally strengthening my inner self, I do NOT want to revert to that college girl who couldn’t stand up for herself. There are still moments when my shy and definitely introverted personality makes itself known, but there’s that break-my-trust-and-loyalty-and-you’re-cut-from-my-story personality. Maybe not cut from my story completely but the damage has been done if I could ever be more blunt. You know that saying, “trust takes years to form, only a second to break”? Yeap, it never felt truer to me. So going back to the topic —- even if there is no name, society has made it so that we will be judged anyways! You can’t stop people from judging you because everyone has different views.
My family has never truly supported my decision on becoming a blogger nor supported anything non-healthcare related (like art or tennis), but that is why I would like to one day be known as that blogging healthcare professional, hehe. Because, although I enjoy writing for fun and to lessen stress and tension, I will also be able to help heal others physically and mentally as well, which I’ve always truly wanted to do since I was maybe 4-years-old. Maybe I am being selfish in a way because I don’t want my personal life mixing with my professional life, but I just need my readers to be genuine with their comments and “likes” for now, you know what I mean?
My sister and I were discussing my blog the night before my birthday last Friday, and she told me, “that’s not very smart of you. If you want to be critiqued, you should share your blogs with everyone you know.” Well, that’s the thing. Maybe I’m not only selfish but also stubborn, lol. I do not want to be critiqued for my writing, at least not yet. Do you want someone to comment every time you misplaced a comma or misspelled a word? (Maybe correcting my works will cause me to have more viewers, lol, but that’s beside the point!!!) Life is full of errors and mistakes. As humans, we need to learn to live with some mistakes. That’s why for healthcare workers, instead of whiting-out their mistake, they cross it out and just write around their mistake (hmm… funny example because I’m currently reading over my health care facility’s policies, LOL).
Will you ever show yourself? If you’ve been up-to-date with all my blogs, I recently showed a glimpse of my face although I wore sunglasses (still debating if I should delete it). And, in some pictures, I show the side of my body. When I am comfortable with my audience (around three-five thousand followers, lol), I will fully show my face with a name (so get started with liking and sharing my posts, hehe), but not now. I hope my readers can understand that.
Sorry for the 0 to 100 to 0 awesome readers. I really didn’t mean to share that much but if you read this much, THANK YOU! Even typing about my silly experiences still catches me off-guard and boggles me sometimes to being emotional. I mean, I felt like I owe you all at least an explanation for why I want to work my way up. THANK YOU THANK YOU!
Lovelies, have you ever made an alias? Let me know in the comments below. ❤