So I found an old journal entry I wrote for a peace course offered at the university I enrolled in. I thought I should share what I wrote since I’m just starting to blog and the topic was “How did you come to be you?”
Majority of the time, the people who love you are usually those who want the best for you. Children know that while they are growing up. When children grow to be responsible teenagers, the teenagers could either still listen to their parents, or grow to have their own voice and start speaking up for themselves. Now that I have the chance to reflect, I think I was the latter.
I was that child who would always listen to her parents and do whatever they asked me to do despite how much I did not want to. I still do listen and comply at times right now, but some things have changed since my childhood years. It has been a long journey from the person I have been then to the person I came to be now. There have been ups, and there have been downs. (Yes, I know I was really cliche. Still am, ahaha!)
While I was still living on the island of Lana’i, I was pretty much the above average student. I wasn’t the best, but my parents didn’t complain. My dad would have me sit daily in front of my large white board and studiously practice my addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. He would also have me practice my weekly vocabularies that I needed to memorize. If I didn’t comply, the “belt” would be waiting for me, and I would be hoping my mom was around the house to hide behind.
Things changed when the twin (nine years older than I am) graduated from high school. I was still going to be a 5th grader, but my parents wanted to move from living in my aunt and uncle’s house in Lana’i to live on O’ahu. My dad didn’t have a job in O’ahu yet at that time, so he would come to O’ahu now and then until he found one and could quit his job in Lana’i. Since my sister, brothers and mom were either in college or working throughout the week, I was left on my own. 5th grade wasn’t a fun experience, though I did make friends. 6th grade, I met people who were bad influences (no smoking or drugs involved), but basically, peer pressure and bullying. I realized that I didn’t like it and decided to become someone others respected, so in 7th and 8th, and 9th grade, I was the model, straight A student. My parents realize there’s more to my future than they realized.
The pressure from them began to grow and grow, and with my passion for playing tennis on my high school tennis team my priority, my grades slowly became lower and lower (not the A they wanted – yea, very strict Asian parents). The idea of actually deciding what my career will be was in the back of my mind. I knew I wanted to have a career in the medical field, but what? I did a lot of reflecting during my high school years just because of what I wanted to do with my future. It didn’t help that my parents didn’t really care what I wanted, just that I do exceedingly well.
I can’t blame my parents for just wanting the best for me, but sometimes, I think to myself that the best thing for me was receiving understanding and love from them. School can only go so far, but love and understanding can go further in my opinion (comment and tell me what you think about this – I won’t judge).
Misunderstandings happened during my late high school and early college years and I feel that I matured faster than I wanted to (remind me to tell you the lessons I learned from what happened – I’ll try to remember to mention the story and lessons in another blog). I got my first job to help pay some of my personal expenses and tuition instead of asking my parents for money. I looked around for a place and found a place I could call “home” in the near future. Slowly but surely, though I am not there yet, I feel that things are falling into place. I’m thinking with a clearer mind and I would like to think I’ve matured and became stronger as a person due to my past.
And CUT! So yup! That’s about it, my wonderful readers! The parts in parentheses were just my side notes. 🙂 Sorry if you see poor grammar, hehe, I’m a work in progress. Please let me know what you think! Remember, this was written when I was still in college. Did you have a similar story? Remember, let’s be real ~